My nights of late
Have been of such state
As have seemed to set
Myself quite sedate
And with each breathe
Of passive unrest
I find myself caring
Progressively less
What if I were to
Leave and start anew
More and more it feels
The ideal thing to do
To just disappear
Escape doubt and fear
And find my own paradise
Far away from here
Words spill out as ink stains severe
I scrub but they only pale
With swears and shouts I persevere
As they mock me cold and stale
And with each syllable still they spread
Filling the air with scorn
Burning their way along as I’m
Left feeling wasted and worn
The world is far emptier than it pretends to be
The rising urge to sink and cry is nearing
And I feel to burst from the lack of it all
If only I could release the tears that break free
From the fear of wanting for more feeling
And yet live on to shuffle off this mortal coil
How strange the taste of sadness that’s both bitter sweet
But this unlike heartache has no meaning
And only fades with long spent sighs and salt
So how to bear this burden that with every beat
Strips away another chance of healing
And learn to rise where there has been no fall
I remember being in here
I remember the fear
When such ceased me
I’d freeze
I’d flee here
Blank but for tears
Please tell me what steers
When trying to breathe deeply
To placate the panic
But only comes out frantic
Collapsing to my knees
Here I see
I remember such manic
Loss of my pedantic
Hid out in the hygienic
But can it
Settle these shaky gears
Detect what disappears
It’s so unclear
Can it be here
What I seek
What I revere
As I try to can it
There appear my peers
Dangerously near
Please let them not hear
My heavy here
As endless attacks hit
I battle such severe austere
Oh aye when thy eyes have seen
All I’ve not yet with my own
I’ll ere henceforth idle between
What my eyes and I have known
For not a night will pass in peace
As I know naught what’s not been seen
The nervous knots in me increase
As not knowing, I nod between
The only heart I’ve ever known
My only constant truth
Is that this heart is black and bruised
Locked up and anger-infused
All because of you.
And if you cared or ever dared
To give me an excuse
You’d learn that I’ve gone cold inside
All hope for love or peace denied
And all romance refused.
As days have passed and time elapsed
Still reign my heart’s issues
That no man again may give me pain
And so I wallow in endless rain
In this prison that I choose.
So be wary if you take aim
And tread in tougher shoes
For I still hold that none less so bold
May ever chance to weather this cold
And at end, only ever lose.
Luck be a lady
Fate be my friend
Give me a warning
of how this will end
I’ve made my bed such
and must lie in its wake
So forgive me my greed
as I give not what I take
The error is my own
and I’ll pay for such pain
Cuz I’ve given up another
and lonely still remain
How canst be that which doesn’t end
But roughs it out with reverend
And breaks you down where you can’t mend
But remains always bruised and blackened
How came that horror here abound
That silent sight and sickened sound
With rough touch shoves a shudder round
And tears you from end to end
That like ancient sands
were sprinkled in mine eye
I’d see the story clearer
and truth to justify
And like those tales of wanting
were cast in sallow stone
I’d read the keep and further weep
for sad tales of my own
The world as I knew it
is now no more
the banner will ever not wave.
As long down this long
and lonesome road I go
by and by, day by day.
A siege of the seas
parts to reveal the sun
blazing its way to the dawn.
Give no pause to wretched
or wicked give rest
as no more can I do but trudge on.
Poetelling 